Things to consider before you tie the knot
Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that is expected to last until death. But do all marriages last forever? How do couples stay in this never ending relationship? How to you survive a life time together? How do you face the ups and downs of this relationship? These are some of the questions which drive one crazy and give sleepless nights to to-be-married people. The success of marriage is based on relationship dynamics like compatibility, understanding, love and care to name a few and much more. We can’t predict the future of any relationship, especially marriage but we can do some serious thinking to make a marriage work before we decide to tie the knot.
Don’t over expect from this relationship: We have higher standards for marriage than ever before
In an earlier era, couples got married for the sake of food, shelter, protection from danger and propagation of the species. Then, with the Industrial Revolution, people had more leisure time, so we started looking for companionship in our partners. Then, came the yearning for personal fulfilment through emotional connection in relationships, which we continue to strive for till today. One might expect amazing conversations, a bond of trust and respect, excellent communication skill, respect, love, fun and a lot more from marriage.
But ironically, don’t expect a magically self-propelling “have it all” marriage. Relationships take work and even more crucially, downtime. It is not a fairy tale!
Cultural Similarities and Differences
Loving your partner means loving him/her for who he or she is and culture is a distinct part of that. While cultural differences can introduce certain challenges, these challenges are certainly manageable within the context of respectful and supportive relationships. For that matter, even couples from seemingly similar cultures may still have to navigate differences.
Don’t let cultural stereotypes dictate your understanding of your partner. Instead, let direct knowledge of your partner (his/her personality and opinions) inform your understanding. Additionally, some aspects of your partner’s cultural identity may be more (or less) important to him/her, so learn what matters most to your partner. Carefully discuss any expectations for the marriage that may be influenced by your upbringing; these factors may include perspectives on gender roles, intimacy, family, in-laws, finances and even holidays.
You’re Not Just Marrying Your Partner, You’re Marrying His or Her Family Too
You know the saying “We’re not losing a daughter, we’re gaining a son-in-law”? Well, it works in the reverse too: you’re inheriting the obligations, stresses, and, yes, benefits, of a whole new family. You might get along superbly with your significant other’s family before marriage, but once you’re married, they could transform into the in-laws from hell, because now you’re cemented to your partner and they claim you as one of their own.
The husband plays the key role in this kind of situation. He ought to understand his better half and when necessary, should mediate between her and his family and maintain a healthy balance. There are couples on the brink of divorce over in-law issues rather than problems specifically between the couples themselves.
It is advised for both sides to imagine each other’s family at their worst and how you two might handle any issues before they got bigger than the both of you. And, to be fair, know that bonding with your partner’s family at a deeper level and becoming the daughter/son/sister/brother they always wanted, might be another surprising perk of marriage.
You Both Have to Change to Make the Marriage Work
The old adage that you can’t change someone by marrying them still holds true. And you probably don’t want anyone to change you either. The truth is, though, you’re probably both going to have to change or adapt, as a choice, to keep the energy and love alive.
The two biggest things are learning how to fight more productively and how to communicate. People have different “love languages” or ways they express and receive love best. It can take a long time to learn what your partner’s silences mean (and don’t mean). For example, one partner might be a natural ‘toucher’ but the other might not know how significant holding hands can be. Couples have to adapt to the ups and downs that life is going to throw at them.
Last but not the least, planning on how to get your marriage registered post marriage is the most important task in hand. All marriages are to be registered within 30 days of the solemnization of the wedding.
Select your partner wisely and after tying the knot, kindly get it registered.
Why should you go for Registration?
Though an unregistered marriage is not illegitimate in our country, it is nevertheless considered essential for the following reasons:
- If you are applying for a passport or opening a bank account after the wedding, then Marriage Certificate is required.
- Extremely helpful in obtaining visas for both husband and wife.
- As the foreign embassies in India as well as in countries outside India, do not recognize traditional marriages, the Marriage Certificate is mandatory for the couple to travel abroad using a spouse visa.
- Enables a spouse in claiming life insurance return or bank deposits in case of demise of the Insurer or depositor without any nominee.
Some other interesting facts that can help in solving the marriage dilemma are as follows –
· The closer a couple is in age, the less likely they are to get divorced
· If you wait until you’re 23 to commit, you’re less likely to get divorced
· The happiest marriages are between best friends
· If you get excited for your partner’s good news, you’ll have a better relationship
· Resentment builds quickly in couples that don’t tackle chores together
· Couples who appreciate each other are more likely to stay together